Mikey Crook is in the Christmas spirit!  One story has made his blood boil.  That’s good, feels like an old time Christmas doesn’t it Mikey?  When the rest of the world is happy and in the Christmas spirit, Mikey is miserable.  Why is Mikey so miserable?

 Members of the Army National Guard’s 110 Medical Batallion out of Nebraska are getting to come home for Christmas.  The taxpayers aren’t paying for this trip.  The business community in Nebraska are paying for their trip.  So Mikey is upset that willing volunteers, are footing the bill so that these fine troops can come see their wives and kids for the holidays.

Mikey is so caught up in his hatred for the military based on his “I’m not good enough” mentality.  He knows the members of the Armed Forces are, at a minimum,  30 X’s better than him.  I’m living proof if you want a career in the military you can have it if you stay focused long enough and apply yourself to that career.  Mikey hated waking up at 5am every day in boot camp to go eat breakfast then go do Physical Training.  Isn’t that the real reason your bitter at the military? 

There has only been one person in the history of the United States who was kicked out of the military and was sucessful.  Mikey wasn’t that one person.  No that person had a bigger dream than Mikey.  That person’s fortune was HUGE during his time on this earth.  I’m talking about nobody other than Walt Disney. 

Why should Mikey be soooo upset over the people of Nebraska helping the national guard men and women?  It’s simple.  The businesses in Nebraska threw together $20,000 and voluntarily helped these people out in the spirit of the season.  While these troops will get to see friends and family for the holidays, Mikey will be with his fat wife in his rent by the week home, cutting slices off his free cheese he got from the government instead of a normal Christmas dinner.  They both will get blocked up and start stinking each other out of the pay by the week room.  In Mikey’s world, nothing says Merry Christmas like flatulence.  Mikey’s family doesn’t want him and his wife anywhere near them as he is just another freeloader.  He’s offended by the notion that everyday people would consider donating money for anything much less to bring troops home for the holidays.  He’s also offended that charity sometimes asks him for some money.  While Mikey hates charity at the same time he’s offended by it.  Why is that so?  It’s a no brainer, nobody is helping Mikey out.  He can’t keep a job, the mormon religion knows Mikey for what he really is…..a lazy freeloader who can’t hold a J O B.

I think Mikey should call this number for the holidays.  It will give him a chance to hate on someone so he can be in the Christmas spirit and be nice to everyone else he encounters during the holidays.  The number is (212) 613-3830.  This is the Sean Hanity hate hotline.  Mikey will be able to brag about how he owned Hanity on the telephone.  LMFAO.  They do broadcast the calls on the hotline on the Sean Hanity show so Michael can listen to see if his rant made it on the radio.